In this post, I will share with you my mom-shaming story and how shaming affected me as a mother and as a person. I will also share with you the ways on how I managed mommy shaming and become a happy mommy today.
What is mommy shaming?
There is no clear definition of “mom shaming” or “mommy shaming” in the dictionary. Mommy shaming takes different forms, and you can easily fall on the trap. Some describe it as bullying another mother in various ways and even in social media. It could be questioning the way they raise their children, the food they prepare, and a lot more.
The act of shaming can have different effects depending on how people deal with it. Additionally, who do the shaming makes a significant impact too. It could be a stranger, your mother, your husband, friends, and or relatives. And yes, you can make mommy shame yourself also.
Every mom will have a different mom-shaming story to tell, and a lot is very much affected by it psychologically. It is essential to know how mommy shaming affects you as a mother and as a person. In one way or another, you will learn how to manage it.
Effects of mommy shaming
It was a normal thing for me to get comments from other people, but, I was really affected when I started mommy shaming myself. There was a point in my life where I felt that I am not good for my family. I was full of doubts about myself that I felt I don’t know myself anymore.
“It was a silent battle that I needed to win, no one knows, no one noticed”rhai ignacio@ archangelshub.com
By personality, I am a happy person, I know that, but when I became a mother, I became more sensitive to shaming. I would like to blame it on the “hormones,” but no, it’s not only the hormones. I do believe that the act of shaming mommies is not fair and can affect psychologically any mommies out there. However, the biggest problem that I had was when I started shaming myself. My mom-shaming story made me struggle in different areas. Here are some of them:
When you hear words that are not pleasing, words that question you as a mother or as a person, it will affect your confidence and you will start to question a lot of things. Similarly, if you start mommy shaming yourself, you will start to doubt yourself whether you are doing the right way, whether your children are safe with you, whether you are the best person to care for your children.
It came to a point where I must google everything that I plan to do just to make sure that I do it right. I really felt like I am a different person.
Since you started to doubt yourself, you will try to distance yourself from your children and even to your husband. Since there Is an unresolved issue running in your mind that you cannot express, you may quickly get angry or lose patience with your children and or husband. It feels like there is a wall that separates you from your family.
Mood and productivity
I am a happy person, and I know that. I have an overflowing source of positivity since I was a child. However, when I started to lose confidence, my moods and productivity were affected. Since I am not in a positive attitude, I refuse to do more, and I refuse to be more productive, the more that I didn’t care for myself. I feel like there is a war inside of myself. Should I strive more, or should I just let it be? In the end, I choose to be less productive and less engaged in activities.
There was a point where I don’t trust anyone. I have friends, but I was too hesitant to grow this friendship. I felt like I am not worthy of being a friend. I also felt that people around me would judge me.
Sense of Fashion- I like colorful clothes, just right for my personality as a happy person. But there was a time where I only buy black clothes, anything that is black. I remember my mother-in-law would ask me to “try different colors.” But I would still wear black because that somehow add to my confidence. There was a point in my mommy-hood that I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror because of how I look. I feel like there’s just nothing that fits.
How to handle mom shaming
Silently, I have been dealing with different comments, unsolicited comments from different people, and I have to admit that I was affected by it. No one may have noticed my mom-shaming story, but I struggled with it and worked hard to overcome this.
It has changed me so much, but in the end, I did not allow this to rule over me. I know myself, and I am more than the excess kilo in the weighing scale. I am more than the stretch marks that I had because I carried three beautiful children. I learned how to manage mom-shaming, and I won over this fight because I did the following strategies.
Look at yourself in the mirror often
I was too busy listening to the comments and descriptions of other people about me. I didn’t even notice that my face has changed much. I looked at myself more often in the mirror and examined myself. Whenever I look at the mirror, I tell myself that I am beautiful. I embraced all the freckles, the dark spots that I have. Instead of worrying, I appreciated my face and accepted how my face has changed.
Measure your waistline and master your stretch marks.
I have been avoiding measuring my waistline because I hated my body. I hate that I have gained weight. But I decided to look at it, know my measurements, mastered my curves and the stretch marks that I have. I looked at them and appreciated them. I tell myself that these are my battle scars. I tell myself that this is me, and I like myself. It doesn’t mean that I will stay overweight, but only by accepting your body that you can change for the better.
Express your self
You must tell how you feel, especially to your husband, partner, or close friend. You should have an outlet to speak your mind whenever you feel negative things about yourself. I told my husband about how I felt if he asks me to lose weight or tells me I’m getting fat. He would give affirmation that he loves me despite all the changes that happened to me physically and that I am a good wife and a mother to my children. This affirmation is compelling in boosting my confidence and reenergize me as a person and as a mom.
The same goes for my friend. I express how I feel and speak my mind if I am feeling sad about what they say to me or if I think affected how they react to the things I do as a mother. Share your mom-shaming story, and you will be more relieved.
Divert comments from other people
When someone tells me that I am gaining weight or I look fat, I don’t take it personally. I don’t reason out or defend myself. I just smile and say, “I know right; I can’t stop eating.” I make fun of it and take it as a joke and dismiss. Sometimes I repay them with “what about you, you look fabulous, what is your secret?”. So the topic is diverted to whoever gives me unsolicited comments. I just turn it all to positive vibes so I will not be affected. Afterall I know myself better.
Start doing something that will make you feel happy.
Start doing things you love that make you happy when you start feeling sad. Take a long bath, go shopping, sing and dance with your kids to make love with your husband. Do not nurture the sad feelings in your heart. Replace it with a more positive activity, and there is a lot of it. When I feel sad, the first thing I do is order my favorite Japanese food, and it makes me happy. I stop everything and focus on doing happy things, just like cuddles with my husband until we fall asleep. You can do that too.
Look at your children’s face while they are sleeping
My favorite past time, when I feel affected by mommy shaming is to look at my children while they are sleeping. As I look at them, I think about the difficult times I have as a mother and tell myself that I am doing a great job. Those little angels are breathing and alive because I take care of them in the best way I can. We cannot be a perfect mother, but we can be the best mother for them whatever shape, color, or looks we have. Look at them and remind yourself that if not because of you, these little angels will not grow as beautiful children. Tap your shoulders and tell yourself, “you are a great mother.”
“I am the best version of a mother for my children, and I am proud of myself.”Rhai Ignacio
Laughing Exercise is very helpful to improve your mood and give you a positive vibe. I do it whenever I feel affected by any type of shaming. This is best done with someone close to you. You will enjoy it. Just laugh and laugh until you get tired. There are a lot of different strategies or ways to do laughing Exercise, whatever way you want to do it, it gives you a feeling of happiness after you do it. My mom-shaming story is something that I just laugh about. And you should do the same too.
Mommy shaming takes different forms, and the impact depends on how a person deals with it. As per experience, the effect could be more significant if it is yourself who does the shaming. Body shaming or mommy shaming should be managed and avoided before it affects you and your family more. You need to know yourself more and accept yourself for who you are.
No one is a perfect mother. You can only strive to be better every day and be the best version for your children. When you start, mommy shaming yourself, your confidence, relationships, friendships, mood, and productivity and how you present yourself to people can be affected. There are various ways that you can deal with it positively, and I have shared things that I did, which helped me a lot to be a happy mommy today.
I hope that you learned about my mom-shaming story. What is your mommy story?
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Have you experienced mommy shaming too? Share with us how did you manage it.